Ep 138: Goals With Soul (Part 1): Creating Meaningful Goals From the Inside Out

Every January, we set goals with the best intentions — and by February, many of them are already forgotten. In this episode, I’m revisiting Goals With Soul, a more meaningful, sustainable way to approach goal setting.

This isn’t about rigid resolutions or pressure. It’s about creating goals that come from the inside out — based on how you want to feel, who you’re becoming, and what truly matters in this season of your life.

In this episode:

• Why most New Year’s resolutions don’t work
• The problem with setting goals based on “shoulds”
• How to set goals based on core desired feelings
• Why identity-based goals are more powerful than to-do lists
• The role of values and priorities in meaningful goal setting
• Reflection questions to help you define your next chapter

=== Want support? ===

Why do this alone? I offer a $99 Intro Wellness Session where we create aligned goals across body, mind, and spirit. Check it out HERE.

=== Resources mentioned: ===

• Creating the Life You Want (free eBook)
• Values & Wheel of Life exercises (Etsy shop)
• The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte
• DayOne journaling app

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
• 2:32 The Problem with Typical New Year's Resolutions
• 5:18 Setting Meaningful Goals with Core Desired Feelings
• 7:11 Aligning Goals with Identity and Values
• 9:31 Practical Tools and Exercises for Goal Setting
• 10:32 Conclusion and Next Steps

Transcript

0:51

Hello friends, and welcome back to Real, brave and Unstoppable for episode number 138. I'm Kortney, and today we are diving into a topic that I get asked about every single year. Goal setting. And actually kind of more specifically New Year's resolutions, but I like to frame it a little differently. Because we all know what happens when we set resolutions- for the most part anyway. And I'm not talking about the kind of goals that end up on a sticky note and by February is like long forgotten history. I'm talking about goals with meaning, goals that actually fit you, and goals that make you feel like you're stepping into the next chapter of your life with intention and purpose. Not pressure, like feeling bad about yourself for not reaching them. So I used to run a Facebook challenge called Goals with Soul, and maybe you're even one of the people who took part in the challenge. It was all about doing things differently with goals, setting goals based on how we wanna feel, who we wanna become, and what matters most to us. Since now is the time that everyone's talking about resolutions, getting back on track, setting intentions. You know, goals, words of the day, all of those things, vision boards. Today, I wanna revisit this idea for 2026, and I wanna show you how you can create goals that actually stick because they're coming from the inside out, not the other way around. So let's talk a little bit about what's wrong with typical New Year's resolutions. In my goals with Soul Challenge, I shared the statistic that 8% of people who set resolutions actually follow through with them. That's not a very big number. The last time that I ran the challenge was a few years ago, so I'm not sure if that statistic still holds, but can we be honest about this? Most New Year's resolutions, they don't work. And that isn't because people are lazy or unmotivated. It's because a) they don't set goals that really mean something to them. And b) they don't have the tools to break things down and make an actionable plan or to stay accountable or even to have the skill of looking at the bright spots rather than everything that isn't working. So people get demotivated and lose steam and then the end of the year rolls around and they're right where they started, and then they're really mean to themselves about that too. I've been there. So typically when we make New Year's resolutions, we pick something that sounds good or that we feel like we should do. Like losing 20 pounds, getting up at 5:00 AM(5:00 AM club anyone?), Meditate every day. And we really try to force this into our lives. It's well intentioned, but it's not well thought out. So we don't think about,"is this really relevant for me? Do I care about it? Is it attainable? Does it make sense in my life?" Is it something that is even realistic? And is the way that I think I'm gonna go about it, even realistic for my life? So what happens is-raise your hand if you've been there. Motivation runs out, life gets busy, and by February or March, most of us have just dipped out. I want you to hear this. Goals are not supposed to feel like punishment. They're not supposed to make us feel bad about ourselves. They're something that we are moving towards in an effort to make our life better in some way. They're supposed to feel like clarity, like a compass that points us to the life that we wanna live, They're something that we wanna move toward, not something we set because we're running away from something or we're afraid of something. That energy matters. So if your goal doesn't connect to a feeling you want more of in your life, or something that matters to you, it's probably gonna feel heavy and exhausting instead of energizing and exciting. So how do we fix this? How do we set goals that we'll actually reach and that we're excited about? So the first step is getting really clear on what matters most to you and what we call core desired feelings. So this is a concept from Danielle LaPorte's book, the Desire Map. And I love it because it flips the whole goal setting process on its head. Instead of asking, what should I accomplish? We ask, how do I wanna feel? Do I wanna feel strong and confident or connected? Free, adventurous? Do I wanna feel curious? Your answers, they become the foundation for your goals. The questions we ask become different when we set goals this way. So instead of asking ourselves how can I improve myself? How can I be better? How can I be hotter? How can I be skinnier? How can I be smarter? There's nothing wrong with those things, but the questions are more like: I wanna feel X, Y, z emotion. Where am I not feeling that? And why? And what might help me feel that? So we're actually being intentional about where we're improving our life, rather than throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks. So here's a simple example. A goal might be exercise four times a week. Well, that's fine, but the why behind it might be: I wanna feel strong, grounded, and capable. That's what keeps you showing up when life gets messy. Not guilt, not pressure, but that feeling you actually want more of. And actually there are multiple ways to reach that feeling of strong, grounded, and capable. So you start to see more avenues to get what you want and make, and that makes the process so much more fun. So another thing that I think is really a game changer with goal setting is thinking about our identity. Who are we? Who are you? Who are you becoming this year? Most people focus on what they do, what they're doing. But sometimes, which is great, but like sometimes I like to focus on who we're becoming. When you define your identity first, the behaviors, they can fall into place more naturally. So for example, what I mean by this is if your goal is, I will read 12 books this year, you might say,"I'm someone who prioritizes learning and reflection." So by itself,"I will read 12 books this year." Like, why do you care to read 12 books? What? What's that about? Okay, this is like super random, right? But if you really root it back to like who you are and why that's important, like I'm somebody who prioritizes learning and reflection because that's important to me. It helps me grow. It helps me feel like I am accomplishing something. Whatever it is, we're ty. We're also tying it to values, which we'll talk about in a minute. Once your identity is really clear, showing up for the behaviors like reading or journaling or listening to podcasts, it feels like an extension of who you are, not just another checklist item that we're going through the motions of doing. And this can be a really great grounding point. So I mentioned values, so let's layer those in, but let's also layer priorities in too. Values are our guiding principles in life. They're the compass points: honesty, adventure, connection, creativity, curiosity safety, security. Freedom. And those values, they don't usually change a lot for us. Our priorities on the other hand, they shift a lot depending on the season of life. Think about it, when your kids are really little versus when they're in college, you have very different priorities. So alignment isn't really about doing everything that sounds good. It's about asking which of my values matter most right now? And what do I wanna focus my energy on this year? Which goals will actually move me toward the life I want and not just keep me busy? That's how we get stuck. Some tools I love for this step are the values exercise. Which I think is in the free ebook that I have. I've haven't, it's been so long since I put this ebook up there. It's super popular. People love it... the ebook is called Creating the Life You Want. And in it, I believe there's a values exercise-that is a great one to do. I also love the Wheel of Life exercise for this. That is definitely in that ebook. Or even a simple visioning exercise where you imagine the kind of year you wanna live. So you can also visit my Etsy shop if you wanna grab these like individually. They're not expensive. I'm just thinking off the cuff here as I'm recording this, so I will check and see if the values exercise is in the ebook, but I'll put the ebook link and my Etsy shop link in the show notes. So check those out if that interests you. In part two of this podcast, which will be coming very shortly, on the heels of this one, we'll get tactical. But before we do that, I want you to pause and reflect. So grab a journal or grab your phone and ask yourself. What do I want more of in my life this year? How do I wanna feel on a random Tuesday? Who am I becoming in this next chapter that is 2026? Yeah, and I mean, you can think longer term than that too. Go for it. I just got this new planner that has like a one year, three year, five year, and 10 year sort of where I wanna be in those timeframes. It was actually really hard to do. And then it also, funny enough, had me put my age at each of those milestones, and when I put the 10 years at one, I just kind of freaked out. I'm like, oh my God, that's scary to think about. But anyway, those questions are good ones. Don't rush them either. Spend a few minutes or even a few days just sitting with the questions. You, you know, you don't have to just journal about it once you can keep those questions on your radar for, you know, the week or the month, like, just keep adding to it. I'm a big fan of, I have so many Google docs of different things that I just like put thoughts in, or I also have this. A digital journal called Day one that I like. I'll put those in the show notes as well. But the answers that you come up with here are what make your goals feel soulful and alive. They make you excited. One of the questions I like to also ask myself with this stuff is like, does that feel alive to me? Or what feels alive? What, what's kind of bubbling up in me that feels like it has life? Also bonus, if you wanna check out Danielle LaPorte's book, the Desire Map, I highly recommend it. It's so good. It's just a whole different way to look at this whole idea. And it's like a workbook style thing, so it gives you space to like, you know, reflect on what's not working, you know, how you would like to change things, but like how you wanna feel, what are your, you know, core desired feelings and, and also what are some ways you think that you can cultivate those. So it's a great book. Recommend it. You can also get in touch with me. I have a really awesome intro program for new clients that it's like a Kickstarter hour long session where we just look at setting some wellness goals. And when I say wellness, it's all three pillars, like I talk about all the time. You know, it can be body related goals, it can be mindset related goals. It can also be, you know, purpose related goals. Purpose, meaning, connecting with yourself, kind of, you know, things like that. So it's a really good deal. It's only$99, so like, honestly, I don't know why. If it's something that you could use some assistance with. I don't know why you wouldn't do it. I love doing it. I love helping people with this stuff. So reach out or you can go to I'll put the link to that in the show notes as well. So a lot of good resources for you in the show notes for this. And then in the next episode, we'll take all this clarity, your values, your core desired feelings, your identity. And we'll turn that into goals that are specific and actionable and trackable. That's, I think, the tough part about this stuff is taking like this kinda loosey goosey you know, feely type stuff and turning it into something that was really more measurable and objective that can be tricky. And I do this every day, so I'm, I've gotten pretty good at it. So if you need assistance with this I'm your girl. But I'll show you in the next episode, we'll also talk about how to create outcome and behavior-based goals. How to break them into the skills you need to reach those actions and practices that you need to be able to develop the skills. And also how to make sure that your goals support all three pillars of your life, body, mind, and spirit. So until then, remember, goal setting is not about doing more, it's about doing what actually matters. So go easy on yourself here and just feel into it. And if you enjoyed this episode, I would love it... I always appreciate when you guys show me. But I would so much appreciate it if you'd go drop a rating and a review about the show. Why did you like it or share it with a friend who could use this too. I always appreciate that. Means a lot to me. I am really thankful and grateful to you to have you listening to the show. And I will see you next time for part two of Goals With Soul.