Ep 134 - Rethinking Your Fitness Mindset - When Fitness Goals Become About Validation, Not Health

What happens when your focus on health quietly turns into a need for validation or proving your worth? In this episode, I share a real moment of self-awareness that made me realize when my fitness goals were drifting away from focusing fully on health and feeling good toward  being seen, approved of, and “enough.”

I’ll walk you through how I noticed this pattern, what helped me shift my perspective, and how to build a healthy body image mindset that comes from self-respect instead of self-criticism.

If you’ve ever caught yourself chasing fitness to feel worthy, this one’s for you.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:24 Personal Project Update: Energy and Habits
01:25 Mindset and Self-Judgment
03:51 Fitness Goals: Health vs. Validation
05:51 The Moment of Realization
08:21 Shifting Motivation: From Fear to Self-Respect
18:12 Conclusion and Takeaways

Key Takeaways:

• Why awareness is the first step toward changing how we relate to our bodies.
• The subtle difference between striving for health and chasing validation.
• How to use tracking and data as neutral tools, not measures of worth.
• Simple mindset shifts to reconnect with your healthiest, most authentic self.

Resources & Links:

• Read the blog post: https://www.kortneyrivard.com/blog
• Take the free "Habit Hangups" Quiz HERE
• Connect on Instagram: @kortney.a.rivard

Transcript

0:51

Hello. Hello my friends, and welcome to Real Brave and Unstoppable, episode number 134. Today we're gonna talk about when fitness goals become about validation and not actual health. We're gonna talk a little bit about our mindset and how it relates to our body image. So first of all though, I just want to share another update about the project I've been working on. If you've been following along with that. It's been an interesting month as I've been paying attention to energy levels and different things that I can do in my life to, you know, create good habits to kind of nurture more of a sense of energy and, and therefore freedom, happiness feeling alive. It is interesting because I notice like going to bed earlier, even just a little bit earlier, seems to have a pretty big impact. And I do notice that when I am good about really being intentional about my food choices, I do tend to feel. It's like more energetic. And I'm sure that a lot of that has to do with the actual food choices themselves, but I also think that it has something to do with the mental aspect of like, I made a good choice. I feel good about that. Last episode I talked about self-judgment and how I noticed that creeping in and what a big drain on our energy that is. And so I think this is sort of similar when we can really acknowledge ourselves for doing something that we've set out to do and feel good about that, it actually is also kind of an energy boost. I mentioned in my last episode, the one minute rule I've been kind of trying to follow where if there's a little task that's gonna take a minute or less, I just do it right then and there. And there's no, oh, I'll come back to that later. And it's funny because even just that little action has felt really good. Then I notice myself feeling, well, two things. One is I don't have as much stuff to circle back to, but the second thing is that there's almost this little sense of, I'm so proud of myself. I don't, I'm doing a thing I don't normally do, which, you know, I think that kind of stuff I. It really adds up and really points to if you think about it, as humans, we tend to focus on the negative stuff first. That's just our built-in negativity bias. But when we actually take the time to acknowledge that, oh, maybe there's something positive I'm also doing, you know, it makes sense when we have more positive feelings, we do. Things that align with those more positive feelings. When we're always feeling negative, we do things that align with those negative feelings. There's nothing wrong with feeling negative, it's just that it's. It usually worth reminding our brain that while you're really helpful, sometimes brain, sometimes you're not. And sometimes I need to like step out of you and remind you that there are some other ways of looking at things. So overall, as we wrap up October, the the month of energy yeah. So those were my takeaways, like those things that I. The things that I set out to really focus on Yeah, helpful, but I think to me, I noticed the bigger help was really looking at where my mindset leaks were, where, where the, my mindset, where my thinking was really dragging me down. And I think to, to be honest, for me, I think I realized that was my biggest energy drain. So I'd love to hear if you, if you've been playing along, I'd love to hear what you notice. So please reach out. So back to today, and I wanna talk about something that I recently realized while working on this project, and it's something that might surprise a lot of us. Maybe not, but how easily our fitness goals or health goals can drift from being about health to really being more about validation. And here's what I mean. Recently I started feeling a little like worried that maybe. After my month of August of vacations and my unexpected hospital visit and having a hard time getting back into my like, healthy routine, I maybe had gained some weight or was not looking how I wanted to look. And I, I started to, yeah, I started to get a little obsessive about it, admittedly, and then I, I paused and I went, you know what? The only way to. The only thing to do here is to just, just take my measurements. I don't weigh myself really.'cause I don't, like, I have a difficult relationship with the skill, so I don't really weigh myself. I'll do measurements instead of weighing. And I don't do it all the time. I just do it as a check-in. So I decided to do that check-in and when I, when I took them, my brain went to, ugh. Damn. Like, yeah, and it wasn't like as bad as I probably thought it was gonna be, but you know, I went to that sort of self-judgment about it. But then I, then I went to, oh, if I just lose a little bit, then, you know, a. I'll look caught again. Like dating will be easier. People will notice. Like I won't have to worry as much about that. And if I wasn't really paying attention, like if I wasn't a self-aware person my motivation could have slipped totally. I. Back into proving my worth rather than just caring for myself and treating myself with respect and kindness. So today I just wanna kind of unpack that moment and explore it and talk about what, how, what it taught me about mindset and body image and how we can shift our motivation from fear of that to more of a sense of freedom around it. So let me take you through that moment. I had the tape measure in my hand thinking, okay, I'm just gonna see where I'm at. But almost immediately I started going into like this, just this sort of, yeah, fear of like, well, what if, what if this isn't good? And then, you know, I, I need to look better than I did before. I want other people to know. I want people to notice me. I don't wanna be as heavy as I was when I was with Ben, my, my ex-boyfriend because he's gross. This is not very nice. I know. But. Does that sound familiar? Anyone? I think for a lot of us, we, we start with really healthy intentions. We wanna feel strong, we wanna feel energized, we wanna feel confident, and then suddenly, all of a sudden we're comparing ourselves to other people and like. This fear creeps in. I recognize this is not everyone, but I know that there are a lot of us that struggle with that. There's so much stuff all around us that says, here's what a good body looks like, or Here's what you should look like, or Here's what people, here's what people notice, and, and things like that. And it's hard not to succumb to that. But that moment of awareness just was a great reminder for me that, oh, this isn't why we care about this. It's what my brain that has all of these years of rules and input from the external world. It's what my, that inner critic brain. Is misguidedly thinking matters, but it doesn't. So thankfully I have the self-awareness to catch that and be able to reframe it and then sit with any emotions that feel uncomfortable in that moment. but I did wanna spend some time with it because, you know. If I let this go, my fitness goals, my health goals could shift completely back towards proving my worth or looking for that external validation instead of really taking care of myself. And letting that be the priority, my driving force. And that's when I started asking like, like, why am I doing that? Why am I doing this? Like, why am I in this? What do I care right now? What? Why am I focused on this? Like, what am I trying to get? Or what am I trying to avoid? Great questions to ask yourself. So here's the thing, this is super subtle. Validation driven motivation doesn't really feel dramatic at first. It just kind of quietly steers you. You're, it, it's what we start doing from a very, very well Since we're born, we're always looking for reinforcement that we're doing the right thing, that we're, we're okay, like we're, am I doing the right thing? You know, just think about a time when you're really little and you're like looking to an adult as for that like, look of approval. It's, it's just what we do. It's, we have to learn how to be human. And the adults in our lives teach us. So we're looking, am I doing it right? So we start, we just do this. That's what we've, we're kind of wired that way. But you know, when we don't pay attention to it, we're not aware of it, we, it might, it's easy to start measuring worth by numbers, by looks, by other people's opinions. You know, it's really sneaky. It sneaks in if we're not paying attention. And suddenly our actions are coming from this place of pressure and not, like I said, not caring for ourselves. And so I do wanna be really clear that wanting to look good, there's nothing wrong with that. The difference really is when the motivation comes from fear or. External approval instead of curiosity, self-respect, and health. So that's when it starts draining your energy and really disconnecting you from your body. Now you're in your head thinking about it. You're not really feeling yourself. Move through life. So in all of my years of struggling with this kind of stuff, like I've realized that my mindset around body image is really the key. Your thoughts create your feelings, so. How I think about progress shapes, how I move, how I eat, how I treat myself, and awareness. I always say this, awareness is half the battle, and it's also the first step in taking back that power and control. Don't give it to your brain. Who's telling you that you're not enough? We need to take that power back, take that control back. So here's what I did next. And I just wanna really be clear that this is a, this is a process that most of us will have to repeat many times in our lives. I've been through this before and every time I come back to the same thing, the shift, we, we reframe things. Here's what, here's what I did next. I like, I reframe the way I looked at my measurements and my progress. So I noticed a lot of judgment coming up. The first thing I do is I say, oh, I noticed there's me doing that thing again where I judge myself. My brain is giving me this faulty information that now I'm hooking into, and then like basing everything off of. So instead I was like, okay, what do I need to do here? These numbers, okay, they are numbers. They don't mean anything until I give them meaning they're data. So if I'm gonna be a scientist in this, I'm gonna look at them as numbers only. What? How can I make sense of these numbers? They're not a score of worth, they're information. That's it. Their information to help me see what's working and what might need some adjustment. And I used the word might because there might be nothing that needs adjustment. So I started asking, okay, which habits make me feel strong, energized, aligned. Which patterns drain me of energy or pull me outta balance. So this simple shift from judgment of, oh my gosh, like I need to look different, I need to be careful. Ooh, if you don't, if you don't get on top of this, things are gonna get worse. Like, does that sound familiar? So that simple shift from that judgmental space, that fear-based thinking to one of a, a space of curiosity. Ooh, that's juicy. It's changes everything. I, of course care about progress, like, you know, it's not a bad thing to have goals. Like, you know, I strength train a lot. I'm working towards certain goals there. You know, but I have a why behind it. I care about how I feel in my body. I care about having energy, about being strong, about feeling this sense of vitality. If I looked like what my brain tells me, the perfect body is and all of that, but I felt sluggish and tired and weak and miserable, I don't think I would choose looking that way. I would choose feeling the way I wanna feel. So we need to really think about this. You can try this too. Next time that you check in on your goals, just pause and ask yourself, okay, am I doing this to prove something or to care for myself? Where's my motivation lying. It is way more motivating when you are actually doing it for yourself. When you're able to get down to that underneath the surface, why go real deep? That's way more motivating. So let's talk about what motivation looks like in practice. Healthy motivation looks different. So it's rooted in this respect for myself. For yourself. It's respe. It's rooted in, you know, I'm doing this because I want this thing, I'm moving towards something. It's not rooted in fear, which is. I'm running away from something I don't want. We move because it feels good. We eat because it nourishes us. We track progress because it informs us, not because progress judges us as being good or bad, it's just information. So here are some signs that your motivation is shifting towards health and freedom and values-driven reasons. First, you celebrate wins instead of focusing on the flaws. You notice when you're feeling strong and grounded and alive, not focusing in on what you're not doing. Another one is your choices come from care and self respect, not comparison. You're self-compassionate. By the way I've said this before on the show, but self-compassion, people are really afraid if they're self-compassionate, that they're gonna not push themselves or they're gonna let themselves go. Research shows that self-compassion in terms of self-improvement is way more motivating than being judgmental or self-deprecating. This kind of awareness of how you're treating yourself here makes a huge difference. It changes what you do, but it also changes how you experience your body and how you move through your life in your body. A lot of times when we do this judgmental stuff or we focus in on, you know, I'm not enough in this way, it's our brains kind of messed up way of protecting us from something that we're afraid of. So for example, like let's just say I am afraid of what other people think of me. Well, if I listen to my brain, you know, you should fit into this size pants because X, Y, Z does, and there's something in me that says, well, if I don't try to do that. Then other people are gonna think I'm not pretty enough, or I'm not athletic enough, or whatever. Like our brain is afraid of something. So it's trying to make us that that narrative is creating this fear of being that,'cause we don't wanna be judged. Yet we judge ourselves more harshly than anyone ever would judge us. So it's from this place of fear. So when we can actually say. You know what? I feel Maybe I wanna feel a little stronger though. Okay. What can I do to, to achieve that? You know, and let's just say I wanna feel stronger and I miss three workouts of my four of the week. Instead of saying, oh, you're so terrible. Like, you're never gonna fit into those jeans. Instead, you say, oh, okay, well this week didn't go so well in that way. Like, I missed that. What happened? What can I learn from that? And move forward. Much kinder, much more motivating. Think of how you feel when you're beating yourself up. You might feel like shame or inadequacy or things like that. Well, what actions do you take when you feel that way? Probably just keep beating yourself up or now you're taking actions that aren't really getting you closer to what you really want at the end of the day. Whereas if you feel like... let's just say you do that whole, like, what didn't work here? What can I learn from this? Maybe you feel like empowered to make different choices. Well, you make different choices. So that's where being self-compassionate and kinder to ourselves can actually really be more motivating in the long run. You just have to know how to do it. You just have to know what to really, you know, harness in order to help you do that. And I can help you with that. So today was a shorter episode, but here's what I want you to take away from this. So I think it's really important... We all need to be kinder to ourselves and we need to, when we have these goals for fitness and health, we need to approach it from a place of like, I don't need to do these things to prove that I'm enough. I wanna do these things for me because... i've heard people like that have grandkids say, I wanna be able to play with my grandkids or I wanna be able to travel with my partner you know, until I'm in my eighties. But the idea is that you're doing it because something matters to you. It matters to you for some reason. So here's what I want you to take away from today's episode. First of all, self-awareness. Friends awareness is half the battle. Fitness goals can drift towards that place of validation without us even noticing it. And pretty soon we're deep in it Awareness is also the first step towards reclaiming that motivation that is healthy and sustainable that doesn't beat us down. Lifts us up. Shifting mindset towards a healthy body image. It transforms how you move, how you eat, how you feel. Remember our thoughts, create our feelings. So if our thoughts are you suck, we're not gonna feel very good. If our thoughts are, yeah, I'm pretty good. I'm making good choices. I'm doing my best with what I have today. It's a little more motivating. So think about that too. So your action for today is to just take a moment and ask yourself like, what, what are your health and fitness goals? What's motivating those? Is it fear or is it moving towards something else, like feeling more free? And how might noticing those patterns change your choices this week? I would also add to that too is, where are you really being hard on yourself and how can you be more self-compassionate as you work towards these things that are important to you? So that is it for today, friends. Thanks for listening. I hope this gave you some insights into your own motivation and body image. If you wanna dive deeper into this. Send me an email and let's chat. I help people with this all the time, and it's something very near and dear to my heart, as well as somebody who has, like many of us, struggled with it myself. So visit my website- link is in the show notes, send me a message. Reach out, get on my email list. I'll put all of those links in the show notes. And finally, if you enjoyed this episode, please, if you wouldn't mind taking the time to leave me a rating and a review. That's super helpful in helping other people find the show, which is what we want. Yeah. So remember, as you go into your day, awareness is where freedom begins, and that little pause can change everything. Awareness is half the battle, and I will talk to you next time.