Ep 130: The 4 Habit Hang-Ups Keeping You Stuck (And How to Break Free)

Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to stay consistent with healthy habits—even when you really want to? You’re not alone… and there’s a reason behind it.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the four most common habit hang-ups that silently sabotage your progress—so you can finally stop blaming yourself and start building habits that actually stick.

You'll learn:

• Why willpower isn’t the problem (and what is)
• The 4 habit hang-up types—and how to spot yours
• What to do instead of starting over again and again
• How understanding your type can shift everything

🌟 PLUS: I created a quick quiz to help you figure out which of the 4 types you are—and give you personalized strategies to move forward with clarity and confidence.

👉 Take the free quiz HERE

Links & Resources:

• 🎯 Take the quiz: kortneyrivard.com/wellness-reset
• 📲 Let’s connect on Instagram 
• 🎧 Catch up on past episodes HERE

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going:

Did this episode hit home? Share your quiz results with me on Instagram or shoot me a message—I’d love to hear what type you got!

Transcript

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Speaker 0:51

**note: this transcript was created from the recording. If you read it and think "whoa, kortney doesn't know how to write!" that would make sense. Computer-created transcripts can be a little wonky!

Speaker 0:51

Hey friends, and welcome back to Real, brave and Unstoppable, in case you're new around here. I'm your host Kortney Rivard. I'm a certified life and wellness coach and certified personal trainer, and I specialize in coaching women over 40. I help with a few things in particular, finding strength, confidence and energy that lasts. I do all of this by focusing on the three pillars of wellness. Physical, which includes exercise, healthy eating habits, and other healthy habits that support overall wellbeing, like sleep and hydration, stress management, things like that. The pillar of the mind, which is anything mindset or thought related that might be holding you back from really loving what you've got going on in this phase of life. Body image, willpower, sabotage, all or nothing thinking, those sorts of things. And the third pillar of spirit, which is really connecting with your inner knowing, finding meaning and purpose and joy in life. If you've been listening for a while, I still really have the same philosophies and ways of working with clients. So it's not a total pivot. I just realized in my work that it's not about one of these pillars in this midlife phase of life, if you will. All three of these pillars are so important and they all work together. Anyway, thanks for being here today, and today's episode is for you. If you've ever found yourself stuck in that frustrating cycle of starting strong with healthy habits, eating better, moving more is trying to get more sleep, things like that, but then you fall off track again. You might even wonder sometimes, why can't I just be more consistent? Or what's wrong with me that I can't stick with this? I know that one is something that's come up for me alot... Both of those are ones that come up for me all the time. And I hear this all the time from clients and friends and people I talk to, the truth is that there's nothing wrong with you. You're not lazy. It's not about discipline or willpower. There's usually a deeper pattern at play. Something that's quietly working against you. And once you understand what that pattern is, you're able to work with it, not against it, and everything shifts. In fact, I've been working on something behind the scenes to help you figure out what your specific habit hangup is and some simple steps you can take to overcome it, but more on that at the end of the episode. First, I wanna walk you through the four most common types I see. And as you listen, I bet one of them will feel pretty familiar. So many women I work with know what they should be doing when it comes to their health and wellness. But the problem isn't knowledge, it's consistency. And just to clarify the word wellness that I use a lot. It's everything that contributes to your overall wellbeing. So it's those three pillars. It's physical health, mental health, you know, your thinking patterns and belief systems. Also your values and the way you connect to yourself and life. Your relationships, aspirations, hopes, fears, all of it. There is so much information out there. Anyone else identify with that, like complete information overload. And the problem with most habit advice out there is that it doesn't account for your real life. The stress, the lack of time, the mental load, the past stories you carry, which is super important, and the patterns that sabotage you without even realizing it. Everyone is different. So there's really no one fix out there that will work for everyone. Or one program or one, you know, one cookie cutter thing. When you can name the real reason behind the inconsistency, you can stop beating yourself up and you can start making changes that actually stick. So when we're aware of our own patterns, it makes the work we do so much more focused and efficient. It's sort of like if you get caught in like a, you know, a, a river or something and there's a really strong current. If you're not really aware of what's happening, like you might just thrash and fight, right? But if you understand what's happening and you start, you kind of take stock of it and you're like, oh, this river is traveling this way and there's a really strong current, so if I fight it going upstream, that's really gonna be exhausting. And I noticed that over there on the side of the bank, there's a nice sandbar. So if I just sort of drift, but kind of work my way over to the side while I'm heading towards the sandbar, I will end up there. Well, it's kind of the same thing, right? Like you understand... okay, so now I understand what I'm working against, so let me work with it. That's kinda what we're talking about here. When you're aware of what you are working with, you can solve the problem methodically and you know, use the right tools instead of just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks. Hoping something works and exhausting yourself in the process. So that's where these four types come in. So let's break them down and as I describe each one, see if you can recognize yourself in one of them, or maybe someone close to you. And also you might recognize parts of multiples of these, and that's another place where I can really help you because we all have custom types. We're all really unique people, with different challenges, different belief systems and all the things. So as you listen, see if you can identify which one resonates the most. So the first type is what I call the disconnected doer. The disconnected doer is really good at doing all the things. You follow the plan, you check the boxes, maybe you even crush your workouts or your food plans, but it all feels kind of joyless. It's not fun. It feels like a drag. You aren't connected to a purpose or a meaning in the actions you're taking. You're going through the motions, and over time it starts to feel empty or kind of unsustainable you kind of like run outta steam. Eventually you burn out or stop because you're not really connected to why it matters. So the second type is foggy and frazzled. Foggy and frazzled's brain is like a browser with 37 tabs open. You're overwhelmed, you're running on fumes and feel like you can't catch your breath. Let alone plan a healthy meal or fit in a workout. And you know, even if you want to make changes, you're stuck in survival mode and you really don't have the mental clarity or energy to follow through, which ends up meaning that consistency can be all over the place and you're likely beating yourself up for not being able to stick to anything. Another way this can show up is if you are really just kind of confused by all the information out there. There's so much and you're kind of like taking pieces of this and pieces of that, but you're exhausted and nothing feel like, feels like it works, and it just kind of feels like everything's all over the place. The third type is the all or nothing overachiever. This is one that I've really identified with in the past. And this is where you're either all in or totally checked out or, you know, you start really strong, you go really hard. Everything feels really great until something gets in your way, disrupts your flow, and then it all kind of just falls apart. For you, consistency feels impossible because you haven't found that middle ground between Perfect and "why bother? I failed". Like we need to find that middle ground and allow for some, you know, imperfection in there. 'cause that's really reality is nothing's perfect, it never will be. If you identify with this type, you are likely finding yourself starting and stopping a lot. You're gung-ho at the beginning, and then when you fall off the wagon, you feel terrible about yourself. And this becomes a cycle that happens over and over and over. And it can be super demotivating. And then the fourth type is the self-sabotager. The self-sabotager knows what works. You should. You've seen results before, but for some reason you keep slipping back into old habits, and it's often without even noticing it until much later. This type is usually driven by a deeper mindset story. Maybe it's self-doubt, fear of failure, or feeling unworthy of success. And then until that gets addressed, that pattern is gonna keep repeating. And a lot of times you'll notice yourself thinking, "why can't I just do this? I know I know what to do, I just can't do it. I always like, something gets in my way all the time". So if you, if those words sound familiar, this could be your type. So, like I said before, the reason why this is so important is that when you understand the pattern that's actually driving your inconsistency, you can stop trying to fix yourself and instead you start working with yourself. It's going with that current. It's not about pushing harder, it's about getting clear on what's holding you back and gently shifting it, looking for ways to overcome that so you can move forward with more ease, more confidence, and way less pressure. We're learning how to work with the things that are getting in our way, like we're going to get, we get strategic about that. We plan ahead for those things that get in our way, and then we also capitalize on the things that we are strong in, capitalize on our strengths. So now I'm gonna expand on each of these types just a little bit to give you a flavor for some tips for how to work with each of these types. So starting with the disconnected doer, remember this is the type where you're doing all the things, you know, you're really trying everything. Something just still feels off. It feels like you're going through the motions and you're not feeling, you're not really seeing results and you're not really feeling like good about it. You know, you're a, might be a rule follower, but you still feel kind of blah. You crave more energy, freedom, meaning, and you're tired of chasing the next thing. You're ready for a deeper change. So here's what you really need. You need a reconnection to your body, to your values, what lights you up. Wellness isn't just about habits and physical health as I mentioned before. It's also about how alive you feel in your life. And so, if you wanna take a first really small reset step, ask yourself this, like, what actually makes me feel good? And then build from that. Not what you should do, but what brings energy, what brings ease or joy, and work with that. So if you're, you know, going through the motions of going to the gym every day and just going through the same old workout... and, you know, it feels like you're getting a workout. Your heart rate's getting up. You feel good while you're doing it. I mean, it feels like you're exercising, but you just kind of don't feel excited. It maybe feels like a drag to go to the gym. Try something different. Ask yourself like, what do I like to do? How do I like to move? Do some of that, try different things. You know, maybe you even need to mix it up so you're doing different things on different days. and it depends on your goals too. Like if your goals are just to, to move and, you know, get some movement in every day, there's, you know, there that's, that's easy. You just look for things that you enjoy and do something different on different days. If your goals are a little more concrete and you're really looking at building strength and wanna be in the gym lifting weights, like there's also stuff you can do to mix things up that way too. So it kind of depends on what you're doing, but whatever you're doing or whatever your goals are, you can, you know, just make a point to mix up and, you know, bring some variety into your workouts. Same thing with food. If you find yourself like you're trying to follow a meal plan or something, and it's like, ew, I just am bored with this food. Oh my gosh, no, don't do that. Like, there's so many good things to eat out there that are really good for you. So look around, like, can you play around with spices, like to make things taste more interesting? You know, if you are eating the same thing every day, like mix it up a little bit. Don't think so hard about it. One of my favorite questions for a lot of things when I coach people or even myself, like different things, like how can I make it fun and easy? If it was fun and easy, what would it look like? So that might be a great question for you if you identify with this disconnected doer type. Okay, so next one is foggy and frazzled. So remember, foggy and frazzled is, you know, you're juggling a lot and self-care often feels like is one more thing on an already big list. When you finally have a second to breathe, you're just like, Ugh, I gotta crash. You know, maybe you feel like you're just constantly on for everyone else. Even the basics like food and movement or rest, they feel outta reach. Maybe you just feel really tired and irritable, maybe even a little numb. So what you actually need... you don't need more willpower or another You just need some space to breathe to reconnect and start with tiny wins that refill your cup instead of draining it more. So your first small reset step. Just pick one thing, one thing that's like a non-negotiable self-care act. Maybe it's a 10 minute walk where you combine it with mindfulness and really pay attention to the sounds, the temperature, what you see, like really being present. Maybe it's stretching while you're coffee brews. Let me tell you, I know as you get older, stretching is so important. So, so, so important. Any little bit you can take advantage of, do it. Or, maybe it's going to bed 30 minutes earlier. Just small shifts. Small shifts add up and they matter more than you think. Okay, so the next one is the all or nothing overachiever. You've got motivation and you've got drive. But when life gets busier, you miss a day. It's easy to feel like you've failed. Does that sound familiar? But here's the truth, you don't need a perfect plan. You need a kind one. You need self-compassion. You need a plan that works even on your hardest days. Or maybe you don't need the plan on your hardest days. Maybe on your hardest days, you just let it go and let that be okay. So if we shift it So, your reset step... I actually have a few little steps for you. First of all actually the, the one that I really think is important is focus on a minimum baseline habit. What's the smallest version of the habit you can always do, even when you're tired or short on time, like five minutes counts. It's one of my favorite things. I mentioned it in my last episode on procrastination, the five minute trick. So like that this kind of works also with what you consider your minimum baseline. So maybe you work out like five days a week, and then if you don't meet those five days a week, you're like, "oh, I sucked this week. This was bad. I'm so, I'm a failure. I never can stick to anything". Well, I mean, it was one week. Okay, so maybe you have a minimum baseline. So you know that in your weeks where you don't get to things, at least you got this minimum thing done. So you're kind of teaching your brain that there's a lot of gray area in here. It's not like you either do it all or it doesn't count, or you know, maybe it's a minimum baseline even within one workout. Let's just say you're not feeling, maybe, maybe it's your time of the month and you just don't feel good, or you go out for a run and it just feels like... "ugh, this does not feel good. It's hard. It feels really hard today. It's just not my, not my day". You know, give yourself some grace with that. It's better to have the mindset that just doing a little bit counts. Maybe it's not what you intended or wanted to do that day, but you know, welcome to life. It doesn't always work out how we want it to. So, you know, give yourself that permission that if you don't do the whole thing that you planned, it's not a failure, it's just different. So how can you reframe that? So, you know, catch that all or nothing, voice and reframe it. Something is better than nothing. Five minutes is better than zero minutes. Right. And then also I think that when we can really track consistency, not perfection, that's gonna help you a lot, just track consistency. How many times are you doing the habit? You can always build on that. Your wellness journey is the, is a long game. It's about consistency over time, not perfection in the short term. So just remember that. It's like when I work with coaching clients, when we have coaching practices outside of sessions, I always tell people what's going to serve them the best is if they think about spending a little bit of time consistently engaging with what we're working on versus just doing exercises or practices or whatever, like right before a session. This is the same thing, right? It's the idea that I'm gonna just do a little bit and I'm gonna get in the habit of this and it's gonna build versus let me just quick do it all so I look good. You're not getting as much out of that second scenario. You're gonna get way more out of the first one 'cause you're making it part of your life. And you can always build on that once you've established it as a consistent habit. So the last type, the self-sabotage, self-sabotage loop. So like I said before, like you know what helps you feel better, but when life gets busy or something throws you off, that inner voice kicks in and says like, oh, why bother? And then you feel guilty, frustrated, and the cycle just starts over. And a lot of times too, though. Yeah, there's like this, I mentioned earlier that there's, there's this underlying, belief system or a thought pattern that it keeps us almost like safe. So let's just say that this is, actually surprisingly common when people are wanting to lose weight, but they're actually deep down underneath they have this thing about drawing attention to themselves. And so there's, it's a subconscious thing too, but sometimes people will subconsciously self-sabotage 'cause they are not wanting to reach that place 'cause it's, it's scary in some way. Or they're, maybe they fear if they get to that weight goal. What if I gain it all back? There's some stresses that are playing into the present from like an underlying pattern. And it's extremely frustrating. 'cause it seems like a mystery, like where is this coming from? Why can't I stick to anything? Why do I know what to do and I still can't do it? It's kind of like if you go through this, if, if you experience this, you might sometimes similar to the all or nothing overachiever, you might feel like a failure because like I can never do anything. "I can never stick to anything" comes up. A lot of these types have like common threads to 'em, so you may notice more than one, come into play, but what you actually really need here. Is not a new plan. You need a mindset reset. And most of these types, you'd need some sort of mind mindset shift, but especially here, consistency starts with self-compassion. Okay? A lot of times we're really hard on ourselves when we don't live up to what our expectations are. You know, our inner critic is not helpful. However, when I ask people, well, what would it be like if you let, if you sort of quieted that inner critic down and said, "thanks, but no thanks, I'm gonna be self-compassionate and like, it's okay." And people are typically really afraid to kind of let that mindset of being hard on themselves go. And the reason for that is that they're afraid that if they let those, sorts of thoughts go, or those belief systems go -of you know, of being hard on themselves, that they're afraid that then they won't be motivated to make a change, that things will never change or things will get worse. They'll, you know, just end up eating really unhealthy, or they'll end up gaining all the weight or they'll let themselves go. But really research shows that we can motivate ourselves much more effectively with being self-compassionate, kind to ourselves. So remember that and also know that it is really common to be afraid to give up that harsh self-talk because of that reason. So your first small reset step. Is to take those slip ups that you have and rewrite the, the slip ups as learning moments. Okay, so like, didn't work out today. Cool. What got in the way? What would help tomorrow feel easier? Here, I'm a really big fan of what, of like just sort of analyzing, like thinking about, okay, what didn't work? But let's not beat ourselves up for it. Let's just learn from it. So what worked? I'm sure there's something. What didn't work? Okay, like what about this just didn't work well, I might need to change it? And then the third one is, what might I wanna do differently in the future? Three extremely amazing questions that just really help you learn from, well help you learn from everything. So if you are nodding along and thinking, Ugh, that's totally me if at any point during this episode, I've got something that will help, I've created a short free quiz that will show you exactly which of these habit hangup types you are and what you can do about it. You'll get personalized insight plus some simple tips that you can start using right away to build habits that actually stick. So when you do the quiz, you'll get your results and then you'll get like a week long email drip of just different tips that you can, you know, take and put into practice however you see fit. So all you need to do is head on over to kortneyrivard.com/quiz and that's it. Take the quiz. You'll need to put in your email address so we know where to send the results. But, yeah, just go take it and see. You'll get some valuable information. It only takes a few minutes to do the quiz, and it'll give you so much clarity. And once you take it, send me a message and tell me what you got. I'd love to hear what type you are, and I'd also love to hear if you, you know, if more than one type resonated with you. Yeah. So you're just know, you're still not alone in this. Most people I talk to struggle with something related to all of this, so you're definitely not alone. And I hope this episode gave you a little insight and a lot of encouragement as you keep moving forward. All right, my friends, thank you for tuning in today to real, brave and Unstoppable. I hope this was helpful. Go take that quiz and I will talk to you next