Ep 106: Embracing Your Unique, Gifted Self

In this episode, I talk about embracing your uniqueness. You'll learn about:

• why we try to fit in and some things to think about when it comes to finding "your people"
• the difference in how we feel about "unique" material things or experiences vs our own unique being
• why living in authenticity or in integrity with yourself is so hard
• 5 things you'll need to do to just be YOU.

===- RESOURCES ===

• Download my free e-book How to Create a Life You Love HERE
  
  
• Need some help embracing YOUR uniqueness and living in authenticity and freedom? Let's talk! Click HERE to schedule a no-obligation Discovery Call

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Transcript

0:51

Hello. Hello. Hello, and welcome back to your real, brave and unstoppable. I hope you're enjoying your week. My friends. I have been busy, busy, busy. Working on my own private practice, as well as in my new job. And I'm really having a great time coaching so many people with all sorts of different issues and problems and pain points. And it's been really fun to kind of get to know some, some different people too. And I'm as well, coaching my amazing clients in my private practice as well. And, these amazing women are getting great results. So if you want to get some of those great results too. I invite you to reach out and just chat with me about how I can help you live your best life. And one thing I'm going to mention: I'm working on a program for the new year. Of course, you know, we all get to the place in January where we kind of have like, you know, the financial hangover, maybe alcohol hangover- not exactly literally, but you know, the food hangover. We're all of a sudden realizing that we've, been so stressed out during the holidays. We haven't really taken a lot of time for self care. We've maybe eaten a little less healthy than we would've liked to. And you know how it is. We get to the place where we vow to get back on track. Last year I actually did a challenge with setting goals for the new year where we really looked at how we want to feel instead of just setting goals"like I want to lose 10 pounds". We really looked at how we wanted to feel. Instead of, you know, the numbers and that was a great challenge. People really loved it. It was called Goals with Soul. And this year I'm working on something similar, but something a little more in depth, and it's actually going to be a program. We'll kick it off with a free challenge. Like we did last year with goals with soul. And then, after the challenge I'll have an offer for you to join a group program that we'll be focusing on taking those things that you want to accomplish in 2023, but actually putting your plan into action and having some help planning and addressing your obstacles. And some coaching to get through them, as well as accountability to stay on track. And you should know, or maybe you already know this, but most people when they sort of set goals or resolutions in the new year, and up sort of letting them go or quitting or falling off the wagon. However you want to say it. by the middle of February. That's pretty like quick, right? It's really hard to stick with new habits or, you know, and it takes I want to say it's 90 days. I can't remember the exact number. I think it's 90 days, but in any case, it takes a while to build a new habit or to create a new routine that you don't have to really think about. And because of that, people get frustrated and they give up before they actually have it implemented. So just be watching around the end of this month or beginning of December, I'm going to have some information about that. It's going to be really, really helpful for so many people. Just to have that accountability in the group, community aspect of things to help you stay on track and really set yourself up for a 20 23, where you feel amazing. You feel how you want to feel. So stay tuned for that. I'm very excited about that offering. Okay. So let's talk about the topic for today. So it's the The second week in November as I record this, and most of the leaves have fallen off the trees. There's still some stragglers, but about a month ago, I was out hiking in one of my favorite places on the Appalachian trail in Maryland. And it's a hike where you it's very steep. You go up, up, up, up, and it's about two miles mile and a half on a pretty steep incline. Not the whole way, but lots of rocks and the trees are beautiful. They were really vibrant. But as you hike up, there's a, there are two places you can kind of hike into and it's this beautiful, like rock cliff that overlooks... It's really expansive and beautiful. And you're so high above, like you can see I-70 below. Way, far below. It's almost like you're in an airplane. It's so beautiful. And I love going up there and just taking it all in. I always take pictures from up there. So if you follow me on Instagram, Chances are, you've seen some of the pictures from those two spots. But anyway, I digress. I was hiking on that particular trail and a lot of leaves had fallen on the path. And most of them, you know how it is with leaves, especially if you live somewhere, like I live in Maryland where the colors are pretty, but they don't get quite as vibrant as they do like in my home state of Minnesota. Or like in the Northeast or, you know, places like that, they they're pretty, but they just, they don't have, there's not the variety of color that there is like where I grew up. So there are a lot of yellow leaves and a lot of brown leaves that have fallen on the path. As I was hiking, you know, it was still really pretty. It was like this blanket of yellow. And then I came up to this like pocket of they're all these really beautiful red leaves. And some of them had this really pretty kind of yellow veining through them. Totally gorgeous. And it occurred to me that. I don't know, I mean, I think that most people tend to think like the bright orange leaves, the bright red leaves, or like the pretty leaves. And it's my impression anyway, and at least on this hike that there were so many yellow leaves that, I mean, it was mostly these yellow leaves that had fallen and every time I came across a pocket of red I was just like, oh, those are so pretty. And I stopped in paused and I was like, you know, it's really interesting because with things like leaves or, you know, material things or things we can touch. We tend to kind of like the unique things, right? The things that are different, stand out. And then I was thinking about, you know, as a human being though... We don't really tend to seek out being different. And we don't tend to seek out different people. And I thought that was so interesting. In general, at least this is my perception, is I feel like as humans we want to fit in. We don't want to be different. And when we're different, we feel like left out or like we don't belong. And so I just started to kind of contemplate that. It's interesting. Like why don't we appreciate our uniqueness and I think like, you know, that's one of the things that I've really done a lot of work on is, working to see my differences and my uniqueness, and rather than making myself wrong, because they don't fit into a certain group of people, realizing that I just need to find my You know, I need to find the other red leaves to hang out with. And maybe the yellow leaves aren't my people. But it took me a long time to get to that place where I was okay hanging out with, you know, finding the red leaves and still it's hard sometimes because it takes a little extra work to seek out our people. And as well, it also takes a little work to kind of figure out or really come home to who we really are. And see our unique gifts and talents, and to really embrace them and own them and see those as beautiful. Especially because, you know, as human beings, we have, you know, our thinking happens through a lens, the lens that, you know, you've heard me talk about dirty glasses before. And, you know, our glasses, so to speak, get dirty as we grow up, w we take on different truths that are really other people's truths because we're too young to know our own. So our glasses get kind of clouded and we're seeing life through this lens that is made up of all of these other perspectives and truth that other people have given us. And so it takes a little while until we can really say, oh my glasses aren't right for me, and to kind of, you know, wipe them off or go get an eye exam, get a different prescription. So my point is when we're, we're going around living our life with these dirty glasses, like we may view other people as having qualities we wish we had instead of celebrating our own. We might look at someone else. I know the, a really great example that resonates for me a lot, and a lot of people that I work with is when they see a body type that is quote unquote, like the ideal body type. Really thin tall lean. Like what you see on magazines. And our acceptance of other bodies is really getting better with time. But, that piece of things is so ingrained into us, at least I know as women. And men probably to some degree as well. But the tricky part is that with something like a body, And I just talked to someone the other day about this too. I was like, what would happen if you didn't want your body to look like someone else's, if you just really like my body is my body and how it's supposed to be. And she said, yeah, but I don't want to do that. I want to look like the other body. That's what I come across so much with people. And I'm that way myself too, is the acceptance of you as you. Just as you as hard to do when society and other, you know, other inputs have been telling you that something else might be better. It's really difficult to kind of come home to you and sorta quiet, all that external chatter and just be good with who you are. You know, your authenticity, just, you know who you are at your core. So because we have all this outside chatter and all these thoughts in our brain that says, you know, oh, you should be something different, first of all, as human beings, we want to fit in. We want to belong. Does anyone resonate with chameleon syndrome or, shape-shifting like we kind of shift who we are to match our environment because we want to fit in and belong. We want to be accepted. So that would mean like if I'm a red leaf in a pile of yellow. Oh, I just, I just need to be a little more yellow to fit in here. And I did that for years and years, and I got to a place where I kinda didn't know who I was anymore. And let's be honest. We all do it sometimes. I still do it sometimes. You know, if I'm uncomfortable, like may default, you know, my comfort zone is more to like, just try to kind of fit in and not make waves and that some of my own stuff, my own material that, you know, I need to work on and just be really aware of, but I did it to an extreme degree for a long time. And I know a lot of people who also have, that really resonate with being a chameleon or a shape shifter. Just to fit in with the group you're in, you know, it's sort of like, you know, blending in. Belonging, we all want that. And it's also interesting that at the same time, so this is sort of a side note to kind of ponder. Is that while we want to fit in and belong, many of us also want to stand out. So it's kind of like a paradox. Like speaking for myself. Yes, I always wanted to fit in. When I was young, I had friends is this is elementary school that were like really short and really like, they were the cool ones, the funny ones, the cute ones. And I was tall. I was like the tallest one until the boys had their growth spurts. And I always felt so big and I remember myself always wanting to be smaller. To fit in and funnier and more, you know, like, cute. But at the same time I wanted that, but at the same time, I also wanted to feel like I was smarter or I was better at something. It was competitive. And so in that way, I always wanted to kind of stand out. But yet when I stood out, I didn't feel like I belonged. So then it was this dissonance. So it's, it's really kind of a struggle. And I don't know, maybe you can see some of that in yourself too where you kind of long to fit in, but at the same time, you don't want to just be the same. So speaking for myself, when, I don't know when it was, but at a certain point, I guess it was when I was going through my divorce and really like having to find myself. Or come home to myself and to learn who that was again, I realized, you know, that being a yellow leaf in a group of yellow leaves when I really was more of a red leaf, that was living out of integrity with who I really was. It wasn't authentic for me, and I felt it. And what was interesting is that I learned that, oh, There are a lot of different people in the world and these people that are yellow leaves and I'm not really nothing wrong with yellow leaves, by the way... But these people that are yellow leaves over here, like I'm not feeling like I fit in and I'm having to shift who I am to feel okay... It took me awhile to realize those aren't my people. Those just aren't my people. And there are other red leaves that I just. I belong with. You know, I fit in there. And I think that that's the message I'm trying to get across is sort of accepting your unique gifts and talents and just your unique being is so important. It's coming home to yourself, coming home to your heart, and living from that foundation. Building your outside life from that place. So that means you're going to choose things like careers or friends or homes, or, you know, values based on who you are in your heart. And I promise you that if you feel like you don't fit in, your people do exist. And sometimes it is a little bit of like a lonely feeling to try to find them. But they do exist. So when I talk about coming home to yourself or coming home to your heart, trying to fit in with people that are not, your people will never make you feel complete. Nobody else can ever complete you. You'll always be searching for something. You'll always be trying to adapt to a world that really isn't yours. And likewise you'll be contributing things that aren't really you because you're trying so hard to fit in. So, what does it take to really truly belong somewhere? Well, first of all, you need to get in touch with who you are. Come home to your heart, come home to who you really are. And you kind of have to be willing to stand in that, to live in integrity, live in your authenticity. And that means sometimes you're going to rock the boat. Especially if you've been in this mode of kind of trying to fit in for a long time and you haven't really been owning who you are. You haven't really been owning your uniqueness. People will notice when you start to act in a more authentic way, because it's going to be different than what they're used to. So that means that you're going to rock the boat a little bit. And I've talked about this on some other episodes in the past about how being authentic is actually really hard sometimes because of that, you may lose people in your life or you may choose to let them go just because you've reconnected with your boundaries and your values. And it doesn't, that doesn't mean you have to let people go, but you know, it may mean that you're just going to kind of reevaluate your relationship with people too. But it does mean that sometimes, you know, you might have a little dissonance in relationships that, you know, you kind of just, maybe didn't feel like they were right, but you know, you're kind of stuck with them because you're trying to fit in. So rocking the boat... It's probably going to happen a little bit. You have to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable sometimes. And the two choices are to feel comfortable, but you're really giving up your integrity or, to feel a little uncomfortable, but staying true to who you are. Second of all. It's so important to really, when you reconnect with who you are to really think about what your values and what you really want in life. Like, what are your dreams and to live in accordance with your dreams and your values, rather than someone else's. And when you do this, you're going to attract different people and different experiences and different things into your life. And this ties with rocking the boat a little bit, you know, I've worked with clients before who had parents who were doctors or lawyers, and they were very adamant that they wanted their child to go to school for, to be a doctor or a lawyer or something that was really, you know, an advanced degree type thing like that. And that's not what they wanted to do, but they didn't want to, you know, be a black sheep in the family. They didn't want to disappoint their parents. So, you know, they stuck with that path and they were never really happy doing what they went to school for. And so when they came to that realization and then started to really make changes in their lives that were in integrity with who they really are you know, it kind of rocked the boat a little bit. So those kind of go hand in hand. Another one that I alluded to a little earlier was, you know, forget the cool people. The definition of cool is like super subjective. And, like I said, there are people that are your people, so would you rather sacrifice who you really are trying to fit in with the quote unquote cool people, or would you rather like really be true to yourself and feel free and alive with people that are your people. And then I read this somewhere online. Make"me first" your mantra. And I know you're going to think oh, that's so selfish. But, you know, sometimes we have to put ourselves first. Of course, if we have kids or, you know, family, and sometimes our responsibilities, we have to do what needs to get done. Right. But when it comes to staying in integrity with who you are or being authentic, put yourself first, put yourself first, always. Martha Beck wrote a book called the way of integrity. And it's such a great book and it talks about living in your authenticity and making that like, Uncompromisable. Is that a word? Check out the book. It's really good. And she's got a really great story that ties into that, or that really illustrates her choosing the way of integrity. So sometimes you have to just put yourself first to be able to stay on that path of being who you really are. And then the last one that I want to touch on is really knowing in your bones and this takes some work. It takes some, it takes some intentionality and mindful awareness, to really notice what's going on in your thoughts and your feelings and your behaviors or actions. But the last one is you need to know that your heart has everything you need. You're already, okay. You're already enough. You already have everything that you need inside of you. You have the gift of intuition. You have, so much internal wisdom. And so you, you have to know that, that you are an amazing unique human being. You are that red leaf. You have gifts that if you try to blend in, the rest of the world's going to miss out on. So you need to know that you are okay. You are enough, you have such amazing gifts to bring the world, even if you don't think you do. I promise you, you have them, we all do. So, that's a fun little experiment. To spend some time being mindful about what's going on in your head. What is your inner critic telling you about why you're not enough or why you're not okay, or why you need to be different? And really start to challenge those thoughts. And say, why? Why do I need to be different? Why is that not good enough? What if I didn't have to worry about that, who would I get to be? Such great questions. So. That's what I have for you today. So I want you to go into your day assuming I get this up online on Friday, tomorrow, today's Have a great weekend... and if I don't get this up until the weekend or Monday, have a great week. Whenever you're listening to this, have a great day. And before I leave you, I would just love it if you are enjoying this podcast, please, please, please take just a minute to rate it-five stars is always great. And a short review would be great too. It just helps other people find the podcast and I'm noticing my downloads are going up, so it's reaching more people, but it would be awesome if we could, you know, make it reach even more people. So I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't mind taking just a minute to do that. And, If you want to have fun, just screenshot it and put it on Instagram and tag me.@kortneyrivardlifecoach. All right friends. Hope this was helpful. And I will see you next time.