Ep 72: Your Holiday Survival Guide!

In this episode of Real, Brave, & Unstoppable, I am sharing my 3-step process for cutting out the stress, overwhelm and exhaustion of the holidays and replacing it with flow and ease.

It all boils down to getting honest about your list of to-dos, and that starts with knowing what's TRULY important to you.

Listen to the episode to learn the three steps as well as some ways you can implement them in your life.

PLUS - don't miss my 2021 Black Friday weekend deals! Be sure to get on my email list to be the first to know when they go live!

Click HERE to get on the VIP list! (you'll also get a free e-book)

Transcript

Ep 72: Your Holiday Survival Guide 

[00:00:00] Hey everyone. And welcome back to Real, Brave, & Unstoppable. 

[00:00:05] Today I am talking about your holiday survival. This episode is all about holiday season challenges and what you can do to let go of some of that so you can actually enjoy what I like to call this magical time of year. 

[00:00:24] I hope you're enjoying your week so far. I'm sure it's a little crazy because as I'm recording this, it is a Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Normally I would have this recorded way in advance, but things have just been a little nutty lately! I'm sure you can understand that this time of the year, just, it just gets that way. Right?

[00:00:43] Okay. So, before we dive into the material, a couple of announcements, because in. Two days we have black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, that whole shopping weekend. And I wanted to take part too! I wanted to have something special to offer my you! So, I have a couple of deals. 

[00:01:06] Ooh. So first I have a little bite-sized course. That's all about reducing stress and overwhelm in your life. It ties in super well with this time of the year. It’s jam-packed with exercises and ways to get really honest about what's causing you stress and overwhelm and how you can alleviate that so you don't burn out so you can stay happy and 

[00:01:30] light and free. And the great thing is I'm offering this for only $29. It's super crazy. It's totally a steal, especially for the time that went into creating it. But it's so timely for this time of the year that I really wanted to get it into the hands of as many people as possible. 

[00:01:49] Today we're talking about stress and overwhelm and during the holidays, and so what I teach in this course can really help you - you can apply that to this time of the year. Easily. They go really well together. You'll be able to purchase that throughout the whole weekend and then you'll have access to the chorus on December 1st. 

[00:02:12] So there'll be a little gap in when you order it and when you get it. Get on my email list to get the scoop on that one, along with a deeper description of all the modules and exercises and stuff like that. And you can get on my mailing list by just going to my website: kortneyrivard.com/lovelife. 

[00:02:31] And you'll get a free ebook

[00:02:34] right along with it. If you've already signed up for my mailing list. Cool. You don't have to do anything. But if you haven't, go do that now. Like pause this and go do it now!

[00:02:45] Okay. The second black Friday weekend deal I have, if you're looking for something like a little more in depth and you know, a little deeper work, I have a special launch price on my brand new four-week program. Your authentic adventure. This program will help you stop pretending to be the person that you think you should be and help you start embracing the person that you really are - to find who that is, and really embrace and love yourself. 

[00:03:13] Sometimes we forget that - we forget who we really are. And we also get really worried about looking bad or what other people think of us or what other people might be saying about us. In reality, we're the only one that we need approval from. And this program will help you really embody that. So, you'll start to like who you see when you look in the mirror stopped being afraid of failure or what others think. 

[00:03:37] You'll practice courage to get out of your comfort zone and do things you've always wanted to do. Uh, you'll learn that to feel really great about your life. You really need to embrace and love the person that you are. All of the parts - not just the parts that are easy to love. When you do that, that's when life gets really juicy and amazing, and this program will help you get started down that path. 

[00:04:02] The program is four consecutive weeks of one-on-one coaching. Plus email support in between sessions. And the Black Friday price is 25% off. So go check that out by clicking the link in the show notes. Super excited about that program. And you can start that now, or you can wait until January to really start off your year with some great intentions and practices. 

[00:04:26] Okay. So enough of that, let's dive in. 

[00:04:31] I always loved the holidays until I started working as a professional photographer. This time of the year was so busy already with travel and kids and presents and money. 

[00:04:42] But then on top of it, I added being a professional photographer and it's. Really the busiest season of the year for pro photographers. Uh, so that just added to all the stresses that were already there. 

[00:04:58] I mentioned travel. We would go back to Minnesota -that's where my ex-husband and I are from. - every single year. We would ship presents back, and we'd have to get everything done early because of the shipping thing. And we bought presents for everyone. And really, it was a lot. 

[00:05:17] You know, just shopping, trying to find the right (and this is really before the days, well, some of these years were before the days of Amazon) gifts. So, it was buying presents and then shipping them back. That was a huge pain. Or taking them on the plane with us, which was annoying. And money, just like budgeting and expectations of other people, of how much you should spend and, you know, Christmas lists that if you don't get the right thing, certain family members get really weird about that!

[00:05:46] Parties - having parties, going to parties, all of those things, decorating, whatever it is that you get in your head that you have to do this time of the year. 

[00:05:57] And that's a lot of it is what you get in your head about what you have to do this time of the year. So anyway, the holidays became really stressful for me. Why? You can probably guess.

 I just tried to do too much. 

[00:06:10] I didn't take enough time to rest. 

[00:06:13] I put too much pressure on myself. I let the expectations of other people stress me out. I didn't set good boundaries. I really wasn't authentic and true to myself with a lot of the things that I took on. So, when my daughter was born, (her birthday is December 1st, So her birthday's in a week!), we skipped Christmas travel that year. 

[00:06:37] Like I said, we had traveled back to Minnesota every Christmas, since I moved away from home in 1996, I think…

[00:06:46] with the exception of maybe one year. But she was really too little for us to feel good about traveling. So, we just had our own Christmas at home., In our home in Maryland. It felt so good to have that space of our own as a family to create some new traditions. 

[00:07:04] My son at the time was seven. Prior to that, we'd always have to deal with Santa Claus. You know, Santa Claus wouldn't come on Christmas because we were away, and he didn't bring the main gifts to Minnesota. He brought them to our house in Maryland. And for you parents listening, it's probably pretty obvious why. 

[00:07:27] I won’t get into it in case you have kids in the car or with you or whatever, but Santa had to come before we left for the trip, which was, you know, additional pressure on how we were going to make that all work. 

[00:07:39] But anyway, that year was when I started to realize that really getting in touch with what the holidays mean to me, what makes it feel special, and also what's truly important to me, that all helps me enjoy it more. It helped me take a step back and give myself what I needed during that time of the year. 

[00:08:02] Those things really guided me to decide then what I did and didn't want to add to my to-do list. They helped me decide what I wanted to spend my money on my energy on and so on. 

[00:08:15] I went through another period after my ex and I split up where I really, really didn't like this time of the year. We split up the week before Thanksgiving and it was such a sad and lonely time of the year for me, having to split time with the kids. It was also a reminder of all that had happened and all of the things I had lost in my life. 

[00:08:39] And to be honest, it still can be, but to a much lesser degree now, since I've been through so much healing around that. Now I can say that I really do enjoy this time of the year again, and I've really been able to tap into the magic of it. 

[00:08:53] But to do that, I do really need to keep what's important in focus. And I also need to really slow down and take time to do the things that make this time of the year meaningful to me. So, I want to talk to you about how you can enjoy the holiday season more, manage the to-do list, the obligations, the money, the loneliness, the emotions. 

[00:09:16] So let's start with this. Why do people get overwhelmed and stressed this time of the year in the first place? And I want to be clear that even people that love this time of the year, don't always enjoy it like they'd like to, because they're too busy or they don't take the time to slow down and enjoy it. 

[00:09:32] So you don't have to hate this time of the year to benefit from what I'm saying today. It applies to anyone. 

[00:09:38] Anyway, it’s because we try to do too much and we don't give ourselves enough rest. We don't take care of our mind. We don't say no. We have perhaps unrealistic expectations in our head about what we should do during the holidays. Example:

[00:09:57] For a long time, my ex-husband and I used to have this really big holiday party and we would invite everyone we knew. There would be like 70 people at our party and we would make the food for it. And we would make all of the food ourselves and not just run of the mill food. We would have a pre-party with a select number of friends to like taste different appetizers, to decide

[00:10:23] what we should have, and we would make fancy things. Things that took a lot of work. And then I mentioned when my daughter was born, we kind of stopped traveling during that time of the year. It was when she was born that we also didn't have the party that year for kind of obvious reasons I think.

[00:10:43] Not having the party that year really felt like a load off. It got us about how, when we had that party there would be so much prep to it, so much lead up, we would do so much decorating 

[00:11:03] and we would have certain activities planned for during the party. It took a lot of time. And it occupied between the time that I stopped taking photography clients and the party, it occupied nearly all of my energy. It took all of my energy. After that year we didn't have it. I think we realized that

[00:11:28] we were missing out on some of the stuff, like for me to just bake cookies with my son. It was hard to find time to do that. And it really made me check in and I was like, well, what's more important to me having those moments with my son, or having this big party. 

[00:11:46] It's fun to have the party, but at the expense of spending that kind of magical time with my son making cookies and just enjoying each other, that wasn't true for me. 

[00:12:00]  We also get sucked into the expectations of other people and try to keep everyone happy. 

[00:12:05] Maybe someone in your family gives you a wish list with like two things on it. And then you're like, oh, that's more than I wanted to spend. And what do I do now? Or, or maybe someone sets a limit of how much to spend. And doesn't really consult you. And then you're kind of in a pickle because what do you do? You’re trying to stay on budget, but you can't really

[00:12:27] not go along with what everyone else is doing. 

[00:12:31] Or maybe there are expectations of being in a certain place at a certain time when it really doesn't feel in flow for you. It makes your life chaotic to have to follow that schedule. We try to do everything because we want everything to feel special and magical for ourselves and for everyone else. And maybe we even want it to feel perfect. 

[00:12:52] So I have some tips, or a process, for you to alleviate some of this. 

[00:12:59] And really it boils down to knowing what's really important to you. 

[00:13:04] You’ll also have to be willing to look at changing some things. And sometimes change is uncomfortable. So anyway. 

First take a good hard look at all the things that you try to get done during the holidays. 

[00:13:18] And what I like to do is divide these things into some categories and get really honest about a couple of things: 

First, what kind of things stress you out? In each of these areas. 

And second, how are you handling them? Are you being true to yourself and your values? 

[00:13:34] The first category is relationships - like your friend relationships, your family, your partner, or significant other. And these things can be time obligations, gifts, money, difficult conversations that come up at gatherings,

[00:13:52] or just the gathering itself. 

[00:13:55] And then you've also got the expectations of the people in your life, too, that you have to figure out a way to manage. 

The second category is your job. Does this time of the year mean that you have to work extra? Maybe you're in retail and this is a really stressful time of the year because you have to work more hours. Or I mentioned photography. 

[00:14:19] Do the people that you work with cause you stress, or your boss? What things come up this time of the year with your job? How are you managing them? Are you managing them in a way that feels good to you?

The next category is money and finances. Big one this time of the year. Right? 

[00:14:40] How is your financial health? Do you feel strapped for cash? Are you stressed about the money you're spending or do you feel like you're spending too little or too much? How about budgeting? Do you feel like you budgeted enough or you're able to stick to a budget? 

[00:14:58] Maybe managing expectations of others in terms of gifting. 

[00:15:02] Or maybe if you look at it, I knew in the past I've sensed before I probably didn't need to do as much for my kids or my family. 

[00:15:14] Look at what feels true. You know, does that feel in line? Some people love giving a lot of things. I mean, I love giving too, but at a certain point, here's an example. For me, in the past, I felt like I should spend a certain amount of money on my kids and keep everything exactly even. But I ended up getting stuff that they don't really need. 

[00:15:38] And my kids are very easy. You ask them what they want for Christmas, and they have no idea. But I realized that the focus for me this time of year is not on a gift quantity, or at least I don't want it to be for me. It's more about the quality of gifts and having fun. Finding something that someone will appreciate. 

[00:15:59] So that's just what's true for me. So, using that example, I can sort of manage those expectations and decide, what’s in line with my values. Gifts that are more meaningful and not worrying about how much money I'm spending. 

Health and wellness is the next category. And this is a big one this time of the year, because many people talk about how they gain weight during this time of the year. A lot of people overeat or overdrink, or don't take enough time to rest. 

[00:16:30] Exercise habits and healthy eating habits go out the window. We get tired. We don't get enough sleep. Sometimes I will feel very disconnected from my body. You know, not taking enough time to really be present or to recharge so, I have the energy to enjoy this time of the year. 

Time management is another really big one. A lot of times people just feel like there's not enough time this time of the year. So how do you feel about how you're spending your time? 

[00:17:01] What stresses you out there? Are you spending your time doing things that aren't really important to you? Again, taking the time to rest is another one really related to this category. 

Your home environment - do you spend too much time or money decorating? Do you try to do too much in that area? Putting everything out, taking things down? Does that stress you out? I know for me, I used to do quite a bit of decorating and I hardly do anything anymore. I do the Christmas tree and I have some things that I've had for a long time and I just put out. That's not everybody. 

[00:17:39] Some people really love doing the decorating part. I like how it looks. I just don't like the pressure of having to put it all out and put it away. It also creates a feeling of like clutter in my house. I'm very simple - simplicity is one of my values. So again, there's an example of how that

[00:18:00] drives how I approach that part of my life this time of the year. Simplicity is important to me so the decorating is something I can put aside a little bit. 

[00:18:12] Another category is fun. Are you taking time to really be with yourself and with the people you love? Are you making time to really be present and engaged with them? Are you making time to let your hair down and have some fun, maybe skip something on your to-do list? Enjoy yourself? Laugh? Smile? 

[00:18:31] And finally YOURSELF. I mentioned earlier feeling disconnected to yourself. Are you staying connected to who you really are and what's important to you? Do you know what's important to you? 

[00:18:45] So those are some things to help you really get honest. I sometimes find that if you don't do this work a lot, it helps to have those categories because it makes things a little more methodical. You can just step through each one and just put some thought into it. 

[00:19:00] So you'll notice that I've talked a lot about knowing what's important to you. And one thing that I really recommend for people to do, and this course that I'm releasing, is actually an exercise in this course is to know your values. Go through and do that exercise. Basically, what you do is you spend some time kind of connecting with yourself, take some deep breaths, close your eyes. 

[00:19:27] Really ground into your body and your soul. You can look on the internet for a list of values, or you can sign up for my $29 course to get it too. But you basically want to just look at all these words that are different possible values. And circle or highlight anything that like stands out to you or that feels important and true to you. Don't think about it too hard. Just go circle anything that stands out to you. 

[00:19:55] That's your first pass. You want to narrow this down to three to five words and yes, you have to narrow it down to three to five words because you want these values to be front and center in your brain. They'll guide you in everything you do in your life. I have business values and personal values and my personal values are

[00:20:17] Family, simplicity, authenticity, courage, and adventure. Those are words that I can kind of check in with when I'm trying to make decisions or, when I'm trying to manage a difficult situation, or I'm trying to decide if I should take something new on or things like that. They really do help you

[00:20:39] decide, and they help ground you so you can just sort of intuitively know what the right thing for you is. I highly recommend doing that values exercise. Those three to five words are just a really great grounding point for you to check in with yourself during different points of your life, including this time of your life – the holidays. I mentioned examples a few times in this episode of where my own values have really driven

[00:21:08] my holiday season. 

[00:21:10] I gave you the example for myself of simplicity. Simplicity for me is important during this time of the year, because it does help me let go of a lot of things that I don't feel are necessary. If I feel like something's complicating my life, I'm probably going to find a way to let it go if at all possible. And if I can't completely let it go, I'm going to find a way to make it easier. That's the thing. It doesn't mean you have to also let something totally go or cross something totally off your to-do list. 

[00:21:43] It doesn't mean that if it doesn't feel in flow to go to your in-law's house at 12 o'clock on Christmas day when you're trying to leave somewhere and drive two hours, it doesn't mean that you just automatically decide, Nope, I'm not doing it. It just means that you're going to use your values to help you find a solution. It doesn't always mean I'm just not going to do that. It just means it helps manage what you do have on your plate. And it does also help you

[00:22:15] cull the list a little bit and take things out that really aren't important because  in the family example, for most people, family is important. So that's an example there.

[00:22:25] Another example. One of my values is courage. Let's just pretend that somebody in my life is putting some pretty hard expectations on me and my family for, let's just use gifts. For example, maybe they're deciding that we should spend a certain amount of money on all the kids in the family and I don't really have that kind of money. The amount isn’t within my budget. 

[00:22:54] So I have two choices. Well, what's authentic for me is to budget, right? Because I want to make sure that this time of the year I don't end up in credit card hangover in January. It’s not authentic for me to

[00:23:09] just spend way over budget, just because someone else told me to. So since one of my values is courage, I have two choices: I can either just do it to keep the peace or I can have a possibly difficult conversation and say, look, you know what? That's just not really 

[00:23:27] what we have money for and here's what I propose instead, would everyone else be okay with that? So, there's an example of how courage and authenticity (which is also is a value of mine) helped me navigate that situation.

[00:23:42]Aanother one of my values is adventure. So of course, I'm going to want to do things during the season that are adventurous! This one is not necessarily something that drives my everyday decisions, of course, but it's just representative of the kinds of things that I love to do. If you listen to this show often, you know I'm a big fan of the outdoors. And I love travel, 

[00:24:06] hiking, and things like that. So, I'm always up for a good adventure. 

Those are just some examples of how your values might help you discern. What's right for you during this time of the year 

[00:24:20] Okay. So the final piece of this is… I mentioned a couple of times being connected to yourself. And I know for me, it's very easy for me to get busy in this, even in normal life, not just the holidays, but to get busy and sort of forget to make that practice of really getting quiet and connecting with my higher self, or my soul. 

[00:24:44] We get busy. We get in our heads. Our egos kind of take over. We've got busy inner critic voice talking to us about how we're not good enough. We're not doing enough. But we forget that that's not who we really are. So I also think it's so important this time of the year for you to carve out time, 

[00:25:05] like I literally mean put it in your calendar if you have to,  a practice for yourself to get quiet and connect. I personally think it's a great thing if you can make this special by perhaps lighting a candle, or if you do essential oils, burning them in a diffuser,

[00:25:27] or, if you have any special prayers or chants that you like to say, or just quiet meditation.

[00:25:35] Practicing gratitude also. People have sort of a mixed thing about gratitude because some people feel like you're just trying to gloss over the things that aren't so good in your life. But that's not what gratitude's all about. Gratitude for me, it's just a way to tap into what is good amongst everything else. It doesn't mean that everything is just rosy and rainbows and unicorns, but it's also a great way to really raise your vibration, to get in a place where

[00:26:06] you're just thinking a little more positively and I promise you, it helps. I have my own experience with that. For a long time, I hated the idea of a gratitude practice. There were a lot of times when I was in a really tough time in my life that I couldn't find things! Which feels a little ridiculous to me now. 

[00:26:26] But the more you do it, the results really compound and you'll start to really feel it. It's really a great way to put yourself in just this higher vibration, higher, higher vibe feeling. So, meditation, gratitude, and journaling is another great one. Anything you can do to just spend some time with yourself, kind of, you know, look at what's in your head. 

[00:26:50] Clear it out a little bit. If you're an energy person, energy clearing, chakra clearing, there are some great chakra clearing meditations on insight timer. I have to tell you, I did a root chakra clearing meditation a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing. So, the stuff really does work. 

[00:27:14] And I'm a former engineer. You know, I have that engineer brain. I'm all about science and hard evidence of things, but all of this energy stuff and chakras and that kind of stuff, there is something to it. I highly recommend that if it interests you at all to learn.

[00:27:32] Some people really love the moon. Following the phases of the moon. That's another really great way to kind of stay connected to nature and the natural rhythms of life - just to pay attention to the phase of the moon. And new moons are typically good for setting intentions. Full moons are typically great for forgiveness and releasing what's not serving you. That's a great way to just kind of stay in tune with the earth and,

[00:28:05] well, the moon, but nature and the natural rhythms of how things are working in the universe.  

So, there were some ideas for you to make this season more enjoyable and less stressful. I hope they were helpful. 

To recap all of this. As you go into this magical season - I like to think of it as magical - really

[00:28:25] get honest about where you're at right now and how things feel and how you want to feel during this time of the year. That's really important too. How do you feel now? How do you want to feel? What are some things you can do to get there? What’s important to you? Really, really spend some time looking at that. 

[00:28:45] And then, just really make sure you're spending some time to rest and connect with yourself. Get quiet. I promise you if you do those things, you'll start to feel a difference. I would love to hear how it works out for you. So please send me an email. 

Okay friends. Thank you for joining again. 

[00:29:05] Before I go, I have one announcement that is bittersweet. The podcast is going on hiatus until the new year. In the interest of making this holiday season fun and less stressful for myself, I'm going to take that off my plate and I'm going to take it back up in January. We're going to have an intention-setting challenge in January – we’ll start back up with that. 

[00:29:33] I wish you a wonderful holiday season and please stay in touch. Please get on my email list, send me an email and let me know how you're liking the show. Drop me a rating and a review on whichever streaming platform you're listening on.  And let me know how things are going!

[00:29:56] Okay friends. I will see you next year.