The Importance of Investing in Your Mental Health

We spend money on so many things in our lives, but we tend to neglect ourselves when it comes to the intangible - our own mental health.

In today's episode, I talk about why it's important to invest in our health.  It's like routine maintenance.  If we take care of ourselves, we will be much better equipped to handle the difficult times in our lives.

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Transcript

Well, hello and thank you for joining me today. Episode number 14. I hope you're having a good day so far. It is Monday when I am recording this podcast. And boy, is it a Monday! I'm having to shift my perspective a little bit as I get through my day because I'm very tired and I really would like to take a nap, but sometimes adulting does not allow that.

[00:00:35] So, depression is a common illness worldwide, and according to the World Health Organization, globally, over 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression. It's a leading cause of disability and a major contributor to disease all over the world. Women are affected more than men, statistically, and depression can lead to suicide and other illnesses or physical symptoms.

[00:01:05]And now more than ever, it's so important for us to take care of ourselves so we don't get to that point where we're clinically depressed. We need to keep up our self-care maintenance routine so that we can avoid getting to that sort of crisis or emergency state. 

[00:01:25] Treatment for mental illnesses is expensive. There are tons of people that can't afford their treatment. And I've also found that there are fewer private practice therapists, and especially the specialty practices, all the time that they don't even take insurance. And the coverage for out of network providers is usually not that great. And it can be really frustrating.

[00:01:51] I also feel like it's really hard to find a therapist that you click with when you start going through in-network therapists. I'm sure that's not true for everyone, but that's just the experience that I've had. 

[00:02:05] In my younger years, I struggled with depression and an eating disorder. And while I knew my mental health, wasn't like awesome, I didn't really put investing time or money in myself as a priority.  There are always other things to spend the money on that seemed a little more exciting.

[00:02:23]But I kind of wonder,  if I had actually made that a priority, how things would have been different if I had invested gradually along the way, and maybe instead of hitting a wall as I did at one point in my life, I would have been able to acquire these tools along the way to deal with the difficulties that came up and also to get myself to a place where I was more content like I am today, but at an earlier point in my life. 

[00:02:52] It's kind of like the routine maintenance versus the emergency repair scenario. It's like with your car, like, you know, you want to keep it up to avoid it breaking down in a major way. Or even home repair. You've got to keep up with those little things along the way to avoid things breaking down, and then you have a bigger problem that costs more money. So it's really the same thing. 

[00:03:18] So today I want to talk about this topic of self-care,  investing time and money in your mental health, how we have a hard time for a lot of reasons investing that time and money in our own mental health, whether that is therapy, coaching, or other self-care.

[00:03:37] And I want to look at what we spend our money on instead, which is what we do to, you know, the tendency to numb out in so many ways. So like what if we were able to replace our numbing with actual caring and nurturing ourselves like to explore that. So I'm going to talk about the different ways that you can fuel your own self-care.

[00:04:00] And then also look at this issue of investment and why it's hard for us to spend money on, you know, our mental health versus things, material things,  and take a really a closer look at priorities.

[00:04:14]So self-care includes a lot of things, but. I think when you look at it, there's a really fine line to where we're actually caring for and nurturing ourselves versus numbing out our feelings. 

[00:04:29] It's very natural to not want to feel uncomfortable feelings. I wrote about this a couple of weeks ago on my blog. It's a post called. Feeling the Feels, and it's about this whole concept of, actually letting yourself, allowing these uncomfortable feelings to just be there. It's a good post, go check it out.  

[00:04:51] But when we're feeling uncomfortable, we have a tendency to, you know, try to reward ourselves with things like buying toys like new TVs or, you know, fancy cars, fancy homes, or,  clothes and also consuming things like alcohol, food, social media, TV, all of that stuff. So what happens when we buy all of these things?

[00:05:19] It's the cycle of when you're buying it to make yourself feel better, in other words like retail therapy,  I sometimes joke about that...  because it does,  it helps us feel better, but it's the cycle. You buy, you feel some control, you feel good, you get a little bit of that dopamine hit,  just, you know, brings feelings of pleasure.

[00:05:42] But then after a while, you start to realize that you don't really need or want the stuff that you bought, or if you're a clothes or shoe person like you realized maybe you didn't don't really even end up liking them that much and pretty soon you have a lot of shoes. If you're a shoe person that is. And then you're back to feeling the same way you were before you bought the stuff.

[00:06:06] So it's like, you know, rinse and repeat. So it's a temporary fix. We get our little fix of dopamine, good feelings, and then like a drug,  that wears off and we're right back to the beginning.

[00:06:17] So a lot of people when they're realizing that they want to feel better, they will turn to self-help and I talked to a lot of women who've read like all the self-help, all the Brene Brown, all the, you know, all of these things ...and they really like, they know what to do because they've really educated themselves. But they don't really seem to get anywhere with it. It's like, I hear very often I've read all the stuff and I have all these great ideas of what to do, but I just can't seem to implement, or I can't seem to be consistent. I can't seem to build the habits or, you know, on and on and on. 

[00:06:55] Self-help is like a billion-dollar industry and people can get hooked on self-help too.  I was reading Mark Manson's blog who wrote the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. And, he said in his blog that people are either in the boat where they believe something is fundamentally wrong with them, and they're willing to try anything to make it better. And the, he calls those the bad to okay people. 

[00:07:21] Or the people who think they already have their shit together, but want to fix some blind spots and some issues to be better. And he calls those the okay to great people. So the bad to okay people tend to maybe improve a little if even at all, even after they've been at the soft self-help thing for a long time, like years of effort.

[00:07:44] While the okay to great people, they tend to be more successful in taking what they learned from their self-help reading and then implementing some of it. So the bad to okay people get on that hamster wheel of self-help and they fail consistently because they possess this fundamental view that interprets everything they do in this more negative sense,  including the self-help that they read to support how they feel about themselves. Like this lack of worthiness or inferiority.  

[00:08:19] So an example like the okay to great person may read a book on becoming happy and think, Oh, awesome. There's a, there are a bunch of things in here that I'm not doing, so I should try them out. The other person, the bad to okay person will read that same book and say, wow, look at all the stuff I'm not doing. I'm an even bigger loser than I thought. 

[00:08:40] And so the bad to okay people have sort of this lack of self-acceptance and the okay to great are really more about the growth mindset or the abundance mindset, where they are really looking at how they can learn and grow. 

[00:08:54] And also self-help can also be a form of avoidance,  or like strangely enough. Numbing out your feelings.

[00:09:03]I don't know if you, if you can resonate with this, but I've been here before, too, where it's like, you know, you buy one self-help book and then pretty soon you're buying another one and another one and another one. And,  it's like,  you don't even read them all because there's so many and you never can focus on one thing.

[00:09:22] Cause you have all these different titles that you're worried about trying to read.

[00:09:27]Self-help is also tough because there's no accountability to put things into action on a consistent basis,  which is what you really need to do to take care of yourself in this way.  You can't just read a book and take on the information by osmosis. You have to actually put this stuff into practice. 

[00:09:46] My point with all of this is that the self-help hamster wheel happens because you're not really addressing the root issue, which is generally just how you feel about yourself and, your self-worth.

[00:09:59]And that's something that most of the time, I think you really need help getting to that with the help of a therapist or a coach. And those are very different. They're similar, but they serve different purposes.  And they both have a place in what I'm talking about today. 

[00:10:17] So we have the things that we do spend time and money on to numb out, like I've just talked about, but then there are also some things that we could be doing spending time and money on that could really help us like meditation or journaling exercise, learning to be present and centered the stuff that is kind of the routine maintenance.

[00:10:43]So, how is the non-thing self-care better? I think sometimes it's easy to get confused with self-care and buying things because you're like, well, you know, I'm going to treat myself to something. I deserve it. And that's fine. We deserve to spend money on ourselves.

[00:11:03] Sometimes that's not a bad thing. It's just when it becomes numbing out as when you're doing it to make yourself feel better, not because you're rewarding something that you've you've worked towards. You're buying something to feel better to make the pain go away. 

[00:11:21] So I mentioned therapy and coaching, and those are, like I said, similar things, and that's beyond the scope of this episode to talk about the differences and I'll do a separate episode on that.  Because I do get a lot of questions about that. But, therapy and coaching are really something that can help you with, getting to the root cause of why you're numbing out your feelings. And that's self-care.  It helps with accountability to sticking, to, you know, to implementing what you're learning to really sticking to that and practicing it.

[00:11:57]I also mentioned meditating, journaling, taking "me" time, spending time connecting with others, spend time working on yourself, make personal growth a priority, learning just how to be okay with yourself, and doing things to get yourself closer to knowing that everything you will ever need is right inside of you.  You learn how to be centered, grounded, and present and to have an abundance mindset. I talked about this in a webinar I did last week - having that abundance or growth mindset rather than scarcity or fixed mindset. 

[00:12:33] I talked about those two types of people, the bad to okay people which are like the scarcity fixed mindset. And then the okay to great is, is the other side of that more they have the, more of a, you know, a growth or abundance mindset. 

[00:12:48] So,  it's interesting. I was thinking about this. I was thinking about why do we resist investing time and money in this kind of thing? And I'm not talking about going shopping. Like, obviously we don't really resist that, but like when it comes to things like therapy or coaching,  why do we resist that - investing the time and the money there. And I think it's not even really a conscious resistance. A lot of the time it's more of a, well, I don't have the money for that, or I can't afford that. Or,  you know, we just choose the things that give us the quick fix so that dopamine hit,  the numbing factor. We choose that over the thing that takes longer.

[00:13:29]But if you really think about it, How much is it worth to you to change your perspective on life or to be happier, to find more meaning in your life to get off your hamster wheel, to feel like excited to wake up in the morning excited about the possibilities? To shift that mindset to one where you, when you look at your future, you just look at the possibilities and not all the limits?

[00:13:55] Like how much is that worth to you?  And that's an interesting question because I don't think most people think about that. And, you know, if you think about how much money we spend on Starbucks or, you know, fancy furniture or they have to have the latest and greatest car with all the bells and whistles on it, or, you know, I mean, I can come up with a million examples, but I think it's really easy to spend money on those things and not really consider that they're not really making you feel better. And what would happen if you spent that money on making yourself feel better? Like, how does that compare? What if you took that money and spent it on something that was going to actually make you feel better and help you feel better in the long run?

[00:14:44]Something to think about. 

[00:14:46] So what stops us from getting over that time and money, investment hurdle in like real true self-care, what keeps us in that numbing mode?

[00:14:56]So there are a few things I want to talk about. And one of them is - I alluded to it - but it's stories that we make up in our head, like money stories. With coaching, sometimes I'll have someone say, well, that's a lot of money. I can't afford that. I don't have that kind of money to spend on coaching but I also have people say, Oh my gosh, that's like such a bargain.

[00:15:20] Like that's worth every penny to me. And so it's, it's really about the story you have in your head about money. Yeah, that's one thing. Or, you know, your priorities.  It might have to do with what your story is about how much time you have.  Sometimes people object to, with coaching... sometimes people object to, not having the time to do a session.

[00:15:46] Well, you know, then it becomes about priorities. Like, are you really thinking through your priorities? Or fear. Fear is another one that comes up. People are like, you know,  I don't really want to deal with this stuff right now. I don't really want to dig into things. I just want to feel better. 

[00:16:04] So the quick fix, that's appealing because it helps them feel better. Whereas, you know, the deeper work that actually works better, it has a lasting impact on your happiness, not just in the moment, you know, it's not, it's not just a quick hit. That is deeper work. It is sometimes digging into some things that are uncomfortable.

[00:16:31]So people aren't in the place of looking ahead, looking at the bigger picture, a lot of the time.  

[00:16:37] Not knowing how to sit with discomfort is another one. Just like, again, it's that, you know, this is coming up a lot as I'm talking, it's really that instant gratification thing, like therapy coaching, meditating, journaling, gratitude practice, like these things that are really going to help our self-development and really help us be happier in the long run. They're not instant. You don't see the results instantly. 

[00:17:02] I was just talking to someone yesterday about this.  I talk about gratitude practice all the time. When I started practicing gratitude, it was sort of half-assed.   I went through the motions. Totally. I just, I was like, this is never going to help. And then later, like down the road, I kind of stopped and thought about it. I'm like, you know, it actually really worked.

[00:17:25] I didn't really see it working, but now today I'm like my default, is really to look at what I'm grateful for instead of what sucks.  I mean, I'm not always that way, but I can say most of the time, I really am.

[00:17:40]Guilt is another feeling that keeps us stuck in that, that mode because we don't want to spend money on ourselves. As women, moms,  caretakers, even if you don't have kids,  as women, we're just kinda conditioned like that. We have to take care of everyone. And so it's really easy to feel guilty about spending time or spending money on something that is for you that you don't really have anything to show for, so to speak. And I can totally get that. As I was, planning out this episode, I thought to myself, I've never been one to not spend money on myself, but then I thought a little bit deeper about it.

[00:18:18] If I look at the things I've spent money on, there are definitely things where I've felt I've had something to show for it.  when I actually hired my first coach, I felt really, really guilty about it because it was for me at the time, you know, it was a, it was a sizable amount of time and money for this.

[00:18:37]And I did feel guilty because I was on a payment plan and it was a lot of money. And  I just felt bad. I wasn't putting that money toward my kids. But I can tell you now, it's the best thing I ever did. So I'm not saying that to try to sell you on coaching, but just my own example of the guilt and just doing it anyway, and then like, well, you know, that guilt was, I overcame that and it was so worth it.

[00:19:06]So then what do we do about this? Like, how do we get over this guilt or the stories or being afraid?  How do we get over all that stuff? And actually just like really start, you know, keeping our, our, our machine or our vehicle or our engine maintained. I would say the first thing that you can do is take a look at your self-care regimen as it is now.

[00:19:32] Like how much time do you spend on yourself? And what are those things?  Is it shopping when you're feeling stressed or is it just, you genuinely take time - like you take time to take a bath when you're stressed. Or how much time do you spend on yourself? Is it very rare that you take time for yourself?

[00:19:51] Where do you get stuck? What do you have a hard time with? Do you have a hard time with the time aspect? Or is it, you have a hard time spending money or like, you know, look at those things and maybe what is it that you have a hard time spending money on or time on? Is there something specific that, you know, there's a pattern that you kind of avoid with self-care?

[00:20:15] And then look at your excuses. I just kind of alluded to that, but like your excuses, I don't have enough money. I don't have enough time. I feel guilty.  You know, so, and so needs me more. Just, look at those excuses and those stories and start to really think about whether or not they're worth putting off your own happiness and health for.

[00:20:38]And then speaking to that guilt - address it, you know, you're worth it. You are worth taking time and money for. You have only one life. You have only one body, you have only one you, and you're worth taking care of it. And remember to look at it like that maintenance thing I was talking about earlier.

[00:21:00] So you don't need these emergency repairs, you know, you're equipped to handle everything cause you've been taking care of those pieces. You need to take, to handle them. You've been maintaining those all along. So think about it like that. You think about eating healthy food, fueling your, your body,  like a car needs, you know, gas, so think about, that car needs the routine maintenance to keep everything working like that, you know, fine-tuned, well-oiled machine.

[00:21:32]So, of course, there's a ton of ways to invest time and money in your mental health. I mentioned coaching. I mentioned therapy. Self-care vacations, whether they're big ones or small ones where you can just get away from everything, take a breather. The simpler things like journaling, meditation apps, you know, gym membership for exercise.  Even just spending the money on a meditation app or a pretty journal to write in, or a journal app or, you know, those sorts of things are like monetary investments. 

[00:22:07] And then there are a lot of things that are just really time investments that really aren't expensive, but they're super helpful for your own self-care. And I mentioned journaling... maybe make time every day to journal for 15 minutes. Meditation, you know, you can meditate for five minutes and work your way up to 20.

[00:22:27]It's easy to say I don't have any time, but come on. It's like, you know, five minutes, anyone can find five minutes in their day. 

[00:22:37] Exercise. That's another one where people make up stories about not having enough time and believe me, I get it. But it goes back to the priorities. Like I was talking about earlier priorities.

[00:22:48] What are your priorities? If it's a priority, you'll make time for it. If it's a priority, you'll find the money for it. Spend time with your friends, spend time connecting, be around people. That's self-care. Sleep. That's a big one. Sleep. We need enough sleep. Drinking enough water, good nutrition, planning, healthy meals, and healthy snacks. 

[00:23:10] And working on yourself, making time for your own personal growth, your own personal development, you know, learning, and maybe reading. Reading books or going to a retreat or attending one of the webinars that I do. I usually do them every other month.  Or, you know, go for a walk by yourself. Sometimes having that alone time is really nice, too. 

[00:23:33] So to kind of recap this episode today...we all we want to feel good. All of us, want to feel good all the time. We tend to try to avoid those uncomfortable feelings. And it's easy to feel like spending money or time on mental health is a drag, but it's really essential.

[00:23:50] And like I've said many times in this show today, it's like maintenance, like keeping that fine-tuned machine running flawlessly.

[00:23:57]Don't wait until you have an emergency. Keep up with that routine maintenance and you'll be better prepared to handle whatever comes your way. And pretty soon you won't really need to numb out.

[00:24:08] So, yeah, I really encourage you to take some time and think about this. It's just something to consider. Something to ponder. Like where are you investing in yourself right now? Could it be better?  What do you need? What do you need that you're not getting? And then I just encourage you to take a step and, you know, see what you're missing, where you maybe need a little self-care and take the step of doing it.

[00:24:34]Anyway, before I go, I just want to tell you a little bit about a step you could take if you wanted to. 

[00:24:41] I have this really cool coaching program called the Kickstarter sessions. It's a little bite-size program - 21 days. We take a look at where you're at in your life. What's not working, what's holding you back.

[00:24:55] Where do you feel a little stuck? What areas aren't you happy with? And then we look at where you want to be. We assess that gap. We start talking about how are we going to close that gap? How are we going to get you to where you want to be?

[00:25:09]So, what you'll walk away with in this program is a plan with the three most important things you can do to start closing that gap. And the way we do this is when you sign up, I give you a bunch of,  like homework, pre homework, like sort of an assessment. So we can kind of figure out where you're at and where you want to go and I can get a sense of it.

[00:25:30] And then we have a 90-minute session, a 90-minute call, and we go through all of those things. Look at what's getting in your way right now. Like fear stories, beliefs that aren't helping you.  You know, just maybe if you're, if you have some goals,  you don't know how to really chunk them up into small bite-sized pieces. So you can actually feel like you're making progress.

[00:25:52] All those kinds of things that get in your way, we're going to really dig into them and figure out how to overcome them, give you a plan for them. The top three things you can do to start getting to where you want to be.

[00:26:04] And then you go off and you put it into action and then come back, we have a 30-minute followup, and then we tweak the plan. S o if stuff's not working, we kinda,  problem solve and figure out something that will, and then I send you on your way and you're going to go crush it. 

[00:26:19] So you'll go from feeling stuck in your life to feeling like you have control. Like you have the ability to create whatever you want in your life. You'll go from kind of, you know, if your mindset's a little iffy, you'll go to a much better mindset, have a much better perspective on things.  

[00:26:36] There's nobody that this program will not help It can apply to any area of your life. It's super affordable. It's only $149. For all of that.  It's basically about half price of what I normally charge. So it's just, it's an easy way to get you, get on your way to being in control of your life.

[00:26:52] And like I said, it takes place over three weeks, like about $7 a day. Like how can you beat that?  And like I said, you come away with some actual steps you can take toward being where you want to be. So give it a try. That's one step you can take and super affordable. It's a good way to kind of take a step towards investing in yourself and your self-worth, your mental health, your happiness.  Find purpose and meaning and all that good stuff in your life. 

[00:27:20] So check it out. You can go to kortneyrivard.com/claritykickstart, and you can sign up there. And if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an email at kortney@kortneyrivard.com. 

[00:27:33] That is it for today, guys. I had a great time talking to you guys about self-care, and now that I'm done recording this, I'm going to go do some self-care of my own.

[00:27:42] So I will see you next time.